alex angel

alex angel
Originally uploaded by barbee.

i took a picture of alex at my show and this angel just happened to be right in his profile, imagine that ;)

it's a dark day....

in the world of my laptop... it has fried...sizzed and it is a dark day. I would say about 100% of my computer work is on that laptop and now it has left me... i don't know if it has been at the hands of an evil virus or it just plain died but it will be missed and i am lost....aint no money in the till for a new one quite yet :(
come on Universe....MAINIFEST!!!! :)

my poopie head

my poopie head
Originally uploaded by barbee.

is so beautiful!

donna king ;)

donna king ;)
Originally uploaded by barbee.

my hair.... what to do with it these days?
hummm maybe i will just wear it like this!

table of contents

table of contents
Originally uploaded by barbee.

i went out to fridays with my supertwin poopie head to and could not find my id for anything!... because it wasn't in there :)
but i dumped my whole bag on the table to try and find it and finally the waitress decided i had invested enough effort to get my drink. i was laughing so hard that there was even a question about my age! too silly, but sweet... still can't find the id but i did find a filter i had been looking for!!! yay for margaritas and fridays and finding my filter!

swoop

swoop
Originally uploaded by barbee.

i am in an art show, showing some of my photos

Rollins College proudly Presents the Halloween Art Show:
"Cloaked"


Cornell Campus Center
Darden Lounge
Friday,October 28th
7:00-9:30pm

Music by DJ Professor Killjoy
Free Food
Come in costume!

i recommend

This is probably one of the nicest letters of recommendation I have received
these type of things just make me all mushy inside and make me feel like despite the frustrastions i encounter in life, I am doing something right :)



dear readers, friends of barbee, and friends of the henna world ...

i've known barbee for about a year and a half now - our two year "anniversary" will be in march. our work relationship started the day hired barbee as the official henna artist of mtvU Spring Break 2004. our friendship began that same day as she greeted me with not a "how-do-ya-do-and-shake-hands" but with big hug and a bigger heart.

professionally speaking ...
i work at a marketing & media company in the events department. barbee has worked for me & my company a great deal over the past couple years since our first spring break together. whether we need an artist to do henna on the beach for college students on spring break or we need someone to travel for three months to do henna on teenagers on a nationwide mall tour, barbee is the artist that i think of. barbee is an amazing henna artist. i've seen & gotten other henna done on myself and barbee just rocks the world of henna. no one can hold a candle to barbee. there are two things about barbee and her henna that absolutely amazes me. 1) barbee makes her own henna. it's the best i've ever experienced. it's the longest lasting henna i've ever experienced too. 2) if you watch barbee when she's in her 'henna zone' you'll notice that she never does the same design twice. her originality amazes me. she is truly the best henna artist out there --- i have no doubt in my mind.

personally speaking ...
barbee is one of the most phenomenal human beings i've been lucky enough to meet. her uniqueness, her dazzling personality, her undying love for all her friends, her generosity to people she's meeting for the first time, her endless talents, her sparkle, her pizazz, her spunk ... i consider it an honor to be a part of barbee's life & world and consider it an honor that she is a part of mine. i don't think i'd be the same person i am today if i had never met barbee cain.

peace & love ,
-m-

sepia family

sepia family
Originally uploaded by barbee.

i went to the doctor's office with my friend today while he had this enormous stint pulled out of his penis after having a kidney transplant a couple monyhs ago. He was going to be on a local anesthsia so i was there to drive and what not. While in the waiting room,i noticed the two women that came it and sat down and immediately after looking at their body language it was evident they were related... thus began my in office photoshoot :)
i love this shot :)

power within

Look inside yourself and see where you are you are on the playing field.... difficulty is around you, rise up with your mind, learn to keep balance of play. People are ever seeking to under stand their beliefs and how they are playing this game of life, like foot ball, religion has created teams to attack each other for the prize, the prize is LOVE, embrace what you know, and yes your head is a windmill always circulating information , generating new ideas and perception, ready to change your world to receive and give love. Seeking your need to change you find "niches" and heal on individual levels starting with yourself and those most close in your group of family, then you apply what you know, embrace those who can provide a balance , this will provide the foundation of light that will grow, strong and shoot out it's beams into all direction of darkness
We work together because there is strength in numbers, yet we must also look inside our self and know that we are one of those beams of light and can rely on yourself to be the emissary of love.. love the light in you and what provides for others. Embrace your own beauty that radiates through you body, you can rely on yourself and your spiritual gifts to create your reality, yet your reality is not another's. Guiding Spirit will use others you help you create this reality, the reality of Love, like in war fare, start at the smallest level and yet it slowly devour everyone. Love is all encompassing and by it's nature pierces darkness. Imagine BEING, you're all colors in all dimensions passing through any thing, creating anything, yet with the consciousness of I AM. ONE with every experience of all that have ever been, with all those experiences also having the lessons learned through them, able to be anywhere at any moment and every where at every moment. Piercing through darkness even with the smallest ray, or spark, LIGHT dispells darkness. That is you and That is God, you are apart of that , bring all that you know back to the source of Light. Bringing all you lessons back to The Source, The I Am. You ARE important, your radiance is needed, access that unlimited Love and Light. Filter out negativity of others as The I Am will. With focused intention and Divinely guided action, your dream is a reality. Embrace who you are and bring your LOVE!
Your faith in higher dominion keeps you balanced. you are in the middle of soaring to new heights, balancing work, excitement and fear balancing what you feel and say. Don’t let your faith be torn apart by negativity. Use negativity as a teacher and not a master. Your faith is your sword that can pierce thought of the hardest of any substance. Balance is a dance that will create constant adjustments to keep you balanced in ever present change. It is up to you take all things to Love and stay flexible to change. You must look at every facet of and issue and understand that each facet has its own view. Look at the pros and cons of all things before rendering action of thought. be fair to all aspects of your self. Your body, mind and sprit. All of these need balance to perform in life's dance.

connections

I have been thinking a lot about human relations lately ...thinking of people that have come and gone and the affects of same
in this crazy soup of flavors, when we do make those connections with people, I think "hey we connected, how amazing...let's make it last" but sometimes it doesn't ... sometimes the connection is lost, maybe it will reconnect and maybe not.... that primal code in me wants to control and to feed my ego... "hey! we connected and you have a responsibility to keep it up!!!" ... not.... we can control only our own energy, and sometimes it sucks to have relationships fizzle ... it hurts our ego to feel not needed or important enough to matter to another ... but we should feel that from ourselves
it seems as though relationships or "connections" should be more helpful than hurtful...duh. ... what I mean is we should find our worth from with in and not depend on others to create an identity for us ... then when we connect we can appreciate the time spent with one another and since we are already fulfilled inside when we disconnect we are not depleted of ourselves... I think where this leaves me is... I will continue to give of myself without expecting return, I give because it makes me happy and noone owes me shit ... cuz then it's not a gift it's a loan.... I know that the Universe has got my back and that my needs will be met, so, I am free to give without feeling like I will deplete my resources.... my lesson is to allow to receive, and I think I am learning that... I am learning how to give to me too... I am learning to listen to another's needs so I know better how to give ... sometimes you can keep giving to someone and never meet their needs, so I am seeing that it is important to communicate what our needs are and not expect others to figure it out...
I have also figured out that I am a full on person with good energy but a bit scary to some ... and while I am not intending to scare anyone or hurt them.... I have to remain who I am... I can't be someone else so I can keep people in my life... I have to maintain my level of energy and keep loving even if it scares people off ... the people that get me... will...the people that don't may someday or may never.... and that's OKAY;)

life and our tribes

I have spent so much time in the last months in a mental whirlwind, trying to determine how to live in my craziness. Why do I feel so much emotion and for what purpose must I express myself? would it not be much easier to step in time and follow the beaten path, ease my troubled mind with conformity? Medicate ... follow ... don't ask questions? NO ... this is clearly not my path because in spite of the torment that is constantly present to follow your own way, I still continue on. From birth we breach the veil that separates the super conscious from the conscious and live our life seeking to find our origin and it has always been within ... to some the veil is an iron wall, impenetrable ... to others it is and accessible mist ... yet it is still the same veil, one we must cross when we enter this body and leave .... two words that changed my life when i realized their simplicity and their magnitude... I AM... from the smallest to the greatest...
I AM ... product of my programming ... what i believe has been formed by what I have been taught yet I have the CHOICE to believe differently and question what i have been taught ... perhaps when we are born into our bodies without memories of our own identities, we feel the need to belong and fit and so our journey starts by trying to fit in with our tribes.. so we start on our conformity journey and it is endorsed by those seeking to do the same ... fit ... how and why should we fit into a generic mold when we were specifically designed differently down to our DNA.... if such care was taken to make us unique, should we not explore that uniqueness and work with it instead of trying to compete at being better than another at being someone else, the "right" way ... we spend so much time trying to "fit" and fit this one size fits all mold and lose sight of our own uniqueness and what is like to just BE ... just the fact that I AM is important enough... i have purpose ... that's why I AM still here ... if we could focus on our own beauty, use our own gifts and recognize our own identity, we would be much more effective as a whole ... we are part of Higher Power, God, Collective Consciousness that is Unlimited in Power yet we convince ourselves we are powerless pawns set out to stumble on this gameboard of life ... but what if power is unlimited and neither good or bad but based on your perception of same.... perhaps good and evil are just different frequencies, and our desire to avoid pain leads us to seek higher frequency. we need all levels so we can grow.... pain leads you to seek higher frequency and through this you develop....will you not manifest what you believe ... if i unleash the idea that i am powerless i will indeed manifest this as thoughts are energy...What you create is up to you ... it is linked to the thought behind it, where it leads you, therein lies your lesson ... then you progress or regress....Thought is eternal, manifestation requires you to carry it out... I AM so simple so encompassing, transcending all religion... I AM in a human cloak, for experience of physical life with all it's emotions ... yet not all will choose to accept this notion and that is our choice ... but I ponder ... if we are spirit or energy embodied in flesh...should I still not consist of the Power that I was fashioned from? Am I not the same energy with different clothes? Yet I will still labor on the negative programming.. it is rooted deeply and created much of my mania and circumstance ... when I continue to validate my purpose and uniqueness, I can achieve what I set out to do ... it all lies with in my faith, belief, conviction. Thought is matter ... all matter has it's roots in thought. You can't see air, thought or your soul ... but they are there. you can however, use your vessel to create those thoughts. if your thoughts limit you ... you will be limited.. if they empower you, you will be powerful.... it is difficult to be positive as it goes against what we are taught, yet through faith and hope we feed our spirits to transcend those teachings ... trust in love, trust in purpose ... trust in Yourself..We want so to fit yet we must fit into our own space, not another's ... we can achieve greater goals if we function well as a unique individual that's part of a whole ... each contributing their gifts synergistically ... we each have a part, specifically for us to perform... I used to spend so much time trying to figure out what I was going to be.. what was my purpose? I had to know that slot so I could fit or else I would be failing and lost but now I see that I was there all along, it was to be me and do the very best I could at existing within my skin ... which includes expressing who I am and celebrating my uniqueness.. I AM... I exist... I am complete in that so where I go from there is my choice ... tomorrow is not a guarantee yet provides potential for my growth ... we cannot expect fulfillment if we don't recognize the responsibility to think for ourselves... Positively think for ourselves ... my desire ...now ..., is to start deprogramming what i am not and can't do and to start functioning wholly as ME with undaunted hope, faith and belief in my purpose so i can be a more effective part of the whole; with out belief in myself and a feeling of worth, i cannot function properly in the big picture.. i am affected by life's situations but how i choose to affect another is my own choice ... we are often let down by another and their failure to meet our expectations.. yet i don't believe our expectations should be on another.. why should we expect another to conform to our thought patterns ... should they not arrive when they are ready, if they ever arrive, maybe it's not their path? wouldn't it make sense to work on finding the positive in our situations, to exceed our own expectations for ourselves, which should be limitless ... as I AM, WE ARE...all one, yet no one is exactly the same...so we should work on our own expectations for ourselves as we only have control over our own thoughts and decisions not another's... i won't be let down if i am not placing my wishes for what i think is right on another ... we all have to progress at our own pace... I can offer support and love, yet we are all ultimately responsible for our own growth, thusly endorsing freewill.. we can teach another to communicate but experience has to be lived on our own ... then it becomes you and will aid in your development ... competition and conformity = trying to be better that another at being the same..... creativity and nonconformity = being you as only you can, don't be seduced by another's path... Use the Power accessible to all to achieve your success ... in the beginning there was the Word = thought= consciousness ... and that carried out with conviction and faith= manifestation ... what have you manifested? those have been your thoughts ... even the underlying tiny thoughts are powerful
b

utah rocks

well, the day is done, almost... i am done working.
I couldn't have asked for a better way to get through an otherwise miserable situation. The students were awesome and so thankful for me to be here and just gushing with love and kindness. It was all around pure light energy. Wonderful connection, lots of hugs and thank yous. Nobody breathing down my neck about getting more people done. I stayed well over my call time and then when it was time for me to "just say no" I rolled cones for the students that wanted henna and gave them a quick lesson on how to apply and aftercare sheets so they could draw on each other. Probably gave out 12 oz in free henna. It felt good to make them happy. I was tired and cramping and just couldn't stay and do it any longer but they were really appreciative of what i had to offer. I was appreciative of the student body for being such a healing element :)
it was all good, henna is all good :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/barbee/sets/961382/

only took a few photos

people were remarking on how steady my hands were and precision etc... i was laughing, as i was really shaking and not steady at all, but to them, it seemed steady. I know it's not my normal chops, but i was happy to be able to apply henna at all. I was pretty nervous that I wouldn't be able to give them my best, but i gave them the best that i could at that moment and it meant the world to them. That is the beautiful thing about energy, you give your best and purest energy and perfection doesn't matter, people are more excited about the connection and remember the moment, now how perfect the design was. yay healing. yay all of you, my beautiful family :)

namaste
barbee
_________________
live, love, BE!

My heart gently weeps

The Great American Journal

i am lying in bed, with a hot water bottle resting on my stomach. My body is hurting because I am miscarrying. I have three healthy kids and never have knowingly gone through this before, I say knowingly, because it is entirely possible that i have but didn't know it. I had missed my period and have been under enormous amounts of stress that I have so expertly internalized and now I am bearing the fruit of that. It startes with a blackish mucas like plug, last night. I couldn't sleep and finally i let go of this gooey stuff and thought, yay, my period has come, not. I am a hair shy of 40 and really did not welcome the idea of having child number 4, alas, I am not one that can deal with the abortion concept. It is not a judgement for anyone else that makes that choice, I would just have a difficult time, living with that decision. After I found a tampon, I had noticed that only moments later, it had soaked through but not with blood, i had water dripping down my legs. This was unusual. I then put two and two together. I lost my plug and then my water broke and I was having a baby, just 7 months early. I laid in bed with my hot water bottle and faced the cramps/contractions until finally i was able to sleep. I really had no idea what to expect from this situation. I had not wanted to go through parenting one more time but i had come to terms with it, it is what it is and whatever is my path, i will deal. I was not prepared for the emotional aftermath. I was sobbing and felt guilty and selfish for not wanting another child. I was unprepared for the fragility that hasn't really gone. I was kind of hoping that when I got up I would be back to normal, kinf of like I am after the first day of having my period, but this is a different ballgame. I don't feel guilty anymore, I feel numb, tired, uncomfortable but determined to keep moving. It IS what it is and I will make it through.
I am currently in Minnessota for a 5 hour layover before i get to utah to do a gig for tomorrow. The plane ride was brutal and the flight attendents caught on that i was less than well and were very nice and made me tea and tried to make me as comfortable as possible. One had even called me back in the back and told me she had been through a few miscarraiges and was very supportive. I was seated next to my travel angel who after getting off the flight brought me into the Northwest Club so I could have a comfortable place to stay for five hours. I had mentioned in conversation that my dad and i used to wait in there as he was always a member but he had passed away so that was no longer and option. She, without missing a beat, said that she was a member and would make sure I got in and had a comfortable place to stay. So, even in the wake of something seemingly really uncomfortable and emotionally straining, there were little blessings popping up. There are always blessings just have to open our eyes,ears and mouths to recognize them.
I feel like crap today. I have a low grade temp and want to just sleep, but that is not an option, so instead, I will edit some pics from last nights show and move on.
I did phone my doctor while on the runway and she was surprised to here i was on plane, off to a job and suggested I get to a hosptial in utah or at least have a follow up when i return. I mentioned that I didn't have insurance and would have to let nature take it's course. If things get ugly then I will have to go to the doctor and figure out what to do from there, but there is always the chance that nature will balance itself out on it's own and i can not have to deal with D N C's and doctor visits etc... They don't understand, I am SuperBarbee, I have shit to do and will get it done, regardless of the obstacles placed before me. I was born sans sugar daddy, therefore I have to make this life happen.
I really would like to belong to one of these airline clubs, as much as I travel, it sure would make things nicer... but I don't have that kind of extra cash to work with at the moment :)

Here's to brighter moments :)
namaste

too cute to cry

On Friday, May 30, 2003, at 07:15 AM, barbee wrote:



picture this.... a bald chick with henna tattoos all over her head, plaid shorts and a white baby tee with "heartbreakers" on the front, biking in the rain with a big box so intricately woven to the back (AKA rigged like a mutha) dodging monster trucks and SUVs that don't want to yield cuz they might spill their coffee or have to end that phone call or worse turn of the TV ... but nay i force on with my trusty steed (AKA archaic Fuji) and we will go through rain, sleet, hail or snow to get the clients emergency overnight henna to them STAT!
it's OK that my ancient jeep has rolled over and breathed it's last breath this blood courses with determination and my will is made of concrete ... yes the major highways and industrial roads offer some challenge but i laugh in the face of danger and besides this week i am too cute to cry ;)
xo
b

House checked, zero dead

House checked, zero dead
Originally uploaded by Tampen.

what an image, what a job

meet the artist

meet the artist
Originally uploaded by barbee.

my interview for orlando city beat came out today.
it was nicely done.
it is nice when positive news makes it and when people care enough about what other people are doing and write about it and read it, connection is nice.

don't tell me nonsense

on someone questioning your worth based on their perception of what is valuable.....
it doesn't matter, to me.... whether or not i make sense to you ...whether you understand my life or purpose .... i know who i am, what i have to offer...and how i relate to my community.... i know how i relate, by communication..... regardless... we all have our own perceptions and our own lessons..which cannot be confused with another's

valley of dehydration

valley of dehydration
Originally uploaded by barbee.

I had just driven all night while the rest of the fam tried to catch some winks in the car and we arrived at the petrified forest right as it opened. I reall had no idea what to expect. I did have a few small petrified logs at home and knew what that meant, but I was not prepared for what i was to see. I somehow was expecting a forest of standing trees that where petrifed, and by that no.... i don'tmean afraid!:)
what I saw was mind boggling, we wandered around as the morning sun glared on the bright, reflective surface. e ground was so hot, that the asphalt had melted under the car tires. The park was huge! it consisted of vast desert, the "badlands" and miles and miles of petrified wood. The wood has actually turned to stone and you can view so many levels of color. The mountains had covered forests and buried them and as they lay hidden from the outside world, they fossilized and actually crystalized and turned to glorious shades of stone. As the mountains erode they would yeild gifts of stone that would roll down the mountain and split open to show it's slpendor. On the top of the mountains, you can see into the painted desert and seea pleete of outrageous colors. I went down in the basin of the mountains and there felt this overwhlming sense of being surrounded. It's wasn't a bad feeling but more of a feeling of the ancients in the misdt. I simply could not get enough photographs and was running around taking pictures as fast as I could. It soon dawned on me that I was fully clothed in a jacket and hat, as I was pretty sunburned and didn't want to have blisters, and that I was alone. I was ok with that but the fact that I was running and didn't have any water with me, I started to come to my current reality and that was, I was WAY dehydrated and had a long way to go to get back up to the car. I heard voices but no people were there, I felt conversations from the mountains surrounding me. I told myself that regardless of the fact my heart was racing, I was overheated and dehydrated, I simply had to make it back. I started to slow down and focus on my breathing and set my will and determination on destination, CAR! When I did return, nobody in my family knew what was going on with me and Scotty came up to meet me and I literally could not speak, just breathe. I got back to the freestar and ripped off my coverings and poured bottles of cold water on my head and started driking like an enormous dried sponge in a rainstorm. When I finally regained my strength and voice I had to laugh at myself. I was invincable! runniong in the desert???? who the??? what the??? i was a bad ass in the bad lands ;)
well, until i almost passed out. I learned to always have water after that and not be fooled by the dry desert heat, it will sneak up, even on super heros!

found this today

=(
Originally uploaded by Umm_ELdwais.

saaw this photo and just had to save it, sometimes, the why needs to be figured out... sometimes the why will unfold into a story of lessons available for everyone to learn from, who will accept that call, who will ask questions deep within themselves and find out what they must learn, who will step aside from their ego and know there is always more to learn and more chances to evolve? i can be that who.

us

us
Originally uploaded by Rosie O'Donnell.

what an amazing shot of two people with very strong dynamic, and free spirit
namaste you two :)
barbee

slow down, you move to fast now...

DSCN3780
Originally uploaded by barbee.

i am rushing around today trying to get out for an appointment and it seems that things are popping up in my way to get me out the door, so I bump into a box loaded with austrian crystals and they dumpallover my floor all assorted sized, which of course is making me later, fortunately instead of stressing, I laugh and bend down to pick them up.As i am picking them up, i realize my lesson today is to not stress about the current obstacles or the how am i going to do this, but to drop expectations, led be the ego and out my energy in the present moment. Put your energy in what is at hand,and be assured that the next moment,if afforded will provide it's own sulotions, but the more we try to bustle and mold the current now to suit our "i" needs, the more obstalces and dissapointment we will encounter... slow down, breathe and live the moment

Racism

Racism
Originally uploaded by dustin3000.

sad

bing and jae key west wedding memories

bing and jae key west wedding memories 547
Originally uploaded by barbee.

this is my friend bing and myself
he is dynamic, amazing energy
gilled with passion, love, life, laughter and exuberence
everytime we meet, which is only on occaision, we both just embrace, jump up and down and gutterly scream with glee
such old souls, such a connection
joy

insane

insane
Originally uploaded by barbee.

i just ran across this photo taken of me last year in key west... we were down there for a wedding and SO out of control! we gotin trouble EVERYWHERE!! we got in trouble in this sam outdoor cafe for spilling water on each other....SPILLING WATER!!! IN KEY WEST!!!/????? WHAT THE????? anyway i met some wonderful people,and those relationships have maintained and i am so thankful for that whole story.... I still remember how incredibly hard I laughed the entire time we were there, can't remember laughing that hard since. The funny thing is, that there was also some reallypainful garbagethat I was going through at the same time and yet I still remember this part of it as what sticks out in my mind. I got through the pain and garbage and in the end all was better than alright...so my lesson today is.... all will be alright:)

Katrina

Katrina
Originally uploaded by DJOG.

this is heading toward louisiana right now and it is blowing me away,pardon the pun.
we got hit a few times last year and i had to get my family out when i was touring.
a repost from last august...
soooo... henna this week on tour, someting has died in the car, we have to have a search and destroy mission...the breaks are metal on metal and that is not good considering we have to drive to IL, in a few days...no news on what the back up plan is, argh if we have to try to carpool, that may send my pregnant henna sister to a whole new level of hormonally insane, be very afraid...simon...very afraid.... i saved the hotel clerk, i can only do so much, i am one woman......I DID.... get my mom the last flight out of orlando and a hotel room in dc, so she is safe and i spent 4 hours doing so, my son and hubby are in a barely crawling parking lot (aka highway) trying to get out of town because armegeddon is headed toward our home... and the cats have peed and pooped in the car, so, you might say, this week has has it own special surprises...still.. got family and friends and cats hanging at the suite and soon it will be time to be off to IL... I have a bit of insomnia tonight, as well as every night,I have a good attitude about this storm business and am happy I was able to get friends and famly out, but yet my other two kids are in west palm and my daughte called me at 2;00 a bit scared and not able to sleep and i tried to assure her that the universe had got her back and she is way to important to have anything happen to her, and i loved her with all my heart! This strom is crazy as it is taking 2/3 days to pass through, and it is just as strong , just really slow moving, some major psychologial damage going on with that, even if the red sea does part and my house is ok, the rest of the city will be toast and unlivable, so i am really considering relocating, don't know where yet, but we will se where the wind takes us... so to speak...


this could be written by anyone... and yet it was by me and i understand that sense of crazy that you are plagued with... when I did return home my city, which hadn't gotten the worst of it, was in shambles and looked like it was war torn, my friend's house was completely blown away, she actually just moved in her new mobile home today. New orleans is not the cleanest city around so imagine all the pollutants, even just the contains of one's bathroom, detergents, cleaners, paints, will be a new toxic wasteland. I tell you the conspiritorists that say the weather is controlled to jack up gas etc... as crazy as it sounds, doesn't sound so crazy. How can you poke holes in the atmosphere and not affect it? Alas, those questions may not be answered but the true looming threat of big change and cleansing is afoot... i send solace to you New Orleans and safety and love.

post one, yup the first one!

ok, i have started, here goes...welcome!!! through my little journey i will be taking you back and forth in time and adding pics to go along with entries. this is for a book that will be published and it's purpose is to bring our community together by letting the world inside our lives for just a month.the journal will continue past a month but a months worth of journaling will be passed on to the next person... i will fill you in with specifics, later.... the point is to allow us to peek and relate or not relate but to understand how we are alike as a community despite our known differences.so here goes... you are welcome to comment, but please keep the vibe positive, there is enough negativity abounding, this project is to find positive resolve or encouragement...
namaste
b

playa caps

playa caps
Originally uploaded by barbee.

I needed some levity after this whole robbery thing and when I stayed in melbourne, driving around, listening to the new black eyed pea album, i noticed these tires and it was just too perfect! I had my friend back up so I could take a picture and in that picture I got this great rflection of the the street... a picture inside a picture. Even in it's humor I recognized that it was evident, that yes, I had been played but I needed to see the picture inside the picture and remember to laugh :)

me, done surfin

me, done surfin
Originally uploaded by barbee.

I surfed for the first time and was so excited! My friend and I had a henna gig which has promising results for oodles of cash "Teen Fest" but which yeilded very little. We got out late $20 in hand and I stayed in Melbourne with her.I was taking pictures, as usual and they urged me to come try out the surfing thing. I put my camera down and got on the boadr, the high performance boad to boot and before I knew it, i was surfing! NO WAY! I actually was surfing! I grew up on the beach in a condo 13 stories up in the air for much of my life and had been taken under the water a few times too many so I had some drowning fears and fear of hights etc, but i did it and I was SOOOO addicted! I figured, if I lived on the beach again, I would want to surf EVERYDAY!!! and would probably do little elese! It also is quite a workout and in this pic I was spent! You use so many of your muscle groups and it takes a lot of energy to keep paddleing out and to manage your board over the oncoming waves. My stomach muscles got quite a workout, i got a few bruises, not from falling but getting on the board. Nothing hurt, it was amazing! I got as far as hands and feet riding the waves in but didn't quite make it fully standing on just two feet, with no hands. I wanted to master it and go pro ;) but I was just too exhausted! I just wanted to go take a shower and lay down! UNtil the next time!!!

home again...what? we've been robbed???

I have returned home from an amazing journey across the US. 26 states and 3 countries in our rental ford freestar. When we get back at o dark hundred... we settle down and pass out after shaking off the constant vibration in our bodies that now seems to be permanent. Upon our awakening, we find that our quiet little home has been disrupted. We have been robbed, no forced entry, not our whole home and all it's effects but all of our dvd's and my son's video games as well as our friends dvds and video games. We had taken a few with us, so what was taken was deliberate, so as not to take empty boxes. I asked my friend, who I had left the key with if she knew anything about it and she knew nothing and had seen nothing. Before we left this person had asked to stay a few days and was supposed to be gone before we were, yet upon the time to leave things were not working out as she had anticipated and we were off. She was supposed to leave a key with my house sitter but ended up telling her she was moving in and I knew about it. So much deception was already happening and we knew of none of it. Stories were coming back about the condition of our home and yet, despite all of this... the person at my home has been a friend for many years and never would i think she would harm me. Veering away from al the specifics, I will break it down for you... trusted friend, moves in, on her own volition, makes me believe she is homeless, jobless and kicked out of her residence and I am trying to be compassionate... so I lend a hand. Now there are police reports to fill out, investigators to speak with, charges to press and lesson to learn. I am advised my the offficer I filed the report with to have a hard heart and not show compassion for the world in which we live in is callus and I will always be the victim. I tell him that I cannot live my life like that. A life without heart is not worth living, to me. I know we have been the target of another's poor intentions but a victim... i don't think so. The situation is painful and sucks but it certainly has lessons for all involved and we all have the opportunity to learn from this, if we so desire. Or, the other option is to say, "Poor me, why me....why...why...why...life is not fair...etc..." NO! life is not fair, fair doesn't enter the equation but in every situation we do have the opportunity to choose our perceptions and what we derive from our situations. It makes me sad when my son wants to see a dvd or play a video game and it has been pawned and I have been through the different levels of emotion, but i have to stop and realize there are lessons for him too. He actually is taking it pretty well, no tears but kind of matter of fact, "oh, yeah... it was stolen". To date, there is no conclusive proof that the friend "did" it but I find it hard to believe she didn't know anything about it or do it. She has looked me in the eyes on several occasion with no remorse and lied to me, so I am at a place where I believe nothing that comes out of her mouth. She either did it or had a hand in it. She was the only one here that had the time, motive and ability to do so... with the exception of the friends she allowed in the home. SO now I have to press charges against someone I care about because I HAVE TO!!! I can't enable people to continue to hurt others. Life will no doubt become more interesting as information comes in. The immediate information that has come to me already is nauseating and yet necessary for closure and to help me not feel remorse for pressing charges. I had believed in her character and was shown differently and I am not that easily fooled. I usually read people's energy very well and yet... this was allowed to happen, which further endorses my belief that it is purposeful and to be learned from.

on that note, i dug this up in my journal
November 01, 2003 - 07:29 PM
rose

I consider a rose ... this is a flower we attribute with love, passion, tenderness ... yet if you look closely it is a thorny branch, very painful if you get too close. if you look closer there is the tiny tender bud waiting to unfold an amazing creation. as it matures it's perfect. soft ... fragrant.. petals await to engage you ... eventually the petals will fall and dry and go away.... yet the beauty of the rose, the moment of it's engaging presence leaves it's memory.... yet physically, all that is left is the thorny branch.... but in the garden of my soul among all the thorny branches are always new buds of tenderness, passion, compassion, connection
and I seek to notice them and tend to them so they might flourish and unfold their magnificent gifts

whitney's back...in action

whitney's back
Originally uploaded by barbee.

this is my first henna tattoo after a long hiatus. I was nervous because I hadn't been drawing for several months but I had a call and needed to get those chops back up so I not feel so uneasy about accepting a job :) I know I have it in me and I know I will bring creative energy to the table when called to, yet I start that doubting my ablitites thing and then start to trip and question whether I have any talent at all. In this world of what have you done for me lately, I sometimes feel a fraud and that I will soon be discovered for my inablities. Not that I am copying another's work but that mine is really not good enough to be valuable. I then have to move on from that idea and remember that it doesn't matter who likes it or gets it but that I am expressing my creative energy... and then you know.... bizarre stuff comes in and people end up validating me, or tell me I inspire them.... and then I feel that if I can inspre just one person to express.... I have done my job.... until the next moment of self doubt, then the cycle begins again :)

working on water

working on water
Originally uploaded by barbee.

June 12, 2005 on the road in texas
I am reflecting life with a cup of coffee…' pondering my sore back and still neck in a tub made of Epsom salts and a glorious bath mix I got from this awesome little store in San Francisco. As I lay there and tried to soak my body loose, I was drawn to my meditative state, which was well needed. It seems for me that in effort to “do” I forget my ability to BE as well. My resounding lesson for this year at least has been that I need to have faith. I am conscious and in control of my awareness. I have choices in they way I believe, and perceive, my surroundings. I have constant instruction and lessons that are available to me when I listen and take the time to be open to my world of possibilities. I can only really me responsible for the way I view my world, for it is unique to only me. I don’t think it’s wrong to share our experiences of faith yet I believe it is folly to try to convert another to my beliefs. How can I assume that I am any more worthy of a title or authority to instruct them in how to perceive their own faith? The world we share is that of community connected by thought, or spirit if you will, however you term it, it comes down to energy. At least in my world it does. Energy breaks down into static and movement and when they connect there is a reaction resulting in movement. It creates a reaction that spurs more energy off into different directions to create new moments of static and movement and so on and so on. On the level of human existence that I can perceive. We are all dual in nature, we represent the whole. We are bound by perceptions of liitations that are passed on to us as truths and we adopt them as our own. Why? It is perhaps easier to accept another’s concepts if they sound pleasing enough and not have to go through the “pain” of finding out your own truths. We try to avoid pain so generally, it’s much more of an option to choose a more pleasing and comfortable path. And there is nothing wrong with that. Pain is necessary to the process of growth, it not the only experience available but it is what is the catalyst to growth. It is up to us how we choose to perceive pain, and what we do with the result of it. Now if either of these experiences is off balance, it will lead to destruction, which is necessary for rebirth. I have taken other routes in life and they were right for then but not for now. This moment is unique and right here and holds it’s own resources for new experience. Every experience will have its cycles and opportunities to create more energy. In all these cycles, painful, happy, and full of all the scope of emotions that will serve to teach me more about the connection between my physical reality and my conscious reality. I feel responsibility to listen to my intuition. It is as just as much apart of me as my physical body, and likewise, I pay attention to my physical body as it point my in the direction of my spiritual body and it’s resource of power and energy in the manifestation of my it’s existence. If I listen to my body it will tell me of places I need to focus on in my spiritual reality to bring more balance of my polarites. If I listen to my spiritual body, it will tell me areas in my physical body that need more focus and energy to restore balance. It is my own yet part of many. I believe that without limitation, we are universal and ONE made of static and flow. I cannot separate myself from my existence. I am experiencing a physical reality and learning how to live in that reality so on the balance, I also experience my spirit reality or conscious realities and the result of their merging is a charge emitting more energy. And it goes on and on until it doesn’t. But to keep the balance, it does, the realities only change to a new experience. Each new experience is necessary; they all hold their own purpose.

on the road again!

« Thread Started on Jun 7, 2005, 12:06pm »
i am on the road again yet this time it is with my family.
5 of us on the open road. In one day, less than 24 hours we were in florida, alabama, mississippi, louisiana, stayed in ticfaw state park and then off to houston, la grange and now austin. we will stay in a state park there and then head to dallas for a week. can't wait to post some pics, so many sites to see, and lots of lessons in communication and patience. We are all travelling in a ford freestar like a dodge caravan and it is proving to be quite interesting, but wonderful experience!
xo
b

i have been kicked out of better places than this!

« Thread Started on May 6, 2005, 1:50am »
So, that bad girl of body art shows up to her mmuseum show this evening with model in tow, assistants andpress and oodles of friends and as we enter the museum, noone seems to know why we are there? No stage is set and everyone has a screwy look on their face. Finally the coordinator is reached and she ap[ologizes profusely, as she had sent an email that I didn't get, somehow, but it seems, as soon as my name was mentioned, there was a veto. Interestingly enough, I was soehow not amazed. I had performed there twice before and the second time the paper came and did a two page story on me and evidently it pissed the museum officials off. Apperantly, the Kate, my wonderful reporter had expressed her thoughts, and it was unfavorable in their eyes, so I have been black listed.Awesome! I was kickedout of a scheduled show in an art museum, and I had the most amazing piece of art to date, waiting to amaze and transform.... but that couldn'thappen because musem big whigs were going to be there and heads would roll if I was allowed to stay. So, I was absolutely NOT going to not shoot this awesome josephine baker incarnate and we called my friends from Snack Daddy and Funkus playing at Hard Rock Live and got a private escort into the club and did our performance on stage with the bands. IT WAS SO AMAZINGLY HOT!!!!!!!! Oh my god! it simply rocked. The bands were totally taken back with what we brought on and it was magical! I was finishing Shemia up and then was all over the stage, on the floor, through the speakers shooting the most amazing shots! It was cinqo de mayo and we had these bright and beautiful colors with feathers and pearls and josephine baker was truely in the house tonight!. Every article she wore I had crafted, from earrings to anklets her entire body of art I had applied and then she owned it and rocked it! She was so the part, and then was dancing on stage, interacting with the band and it was the most amazing thing ever!

waisted

waisted1
Originally uploaded by barbee.

I went to Miami to do make up for a ujena swimwear shoot. I drove 5 hours down there, worked all day until 4 am. I managed to squeeze in my own shooting, which made the models happy, cause they liked the images and used them for their portfolios. We shot in the Four Seasons Hotel from a penthouse and it was exquisite. This shot happened as Sadie was putting on her wrap to go out to the beach to shoot and I yelled, "STOP!"... which I do quite a bit when I see something I want to capture.... and it has been one of my most viewed shots. It does look like a swimwear tag, eh?
The whole shoot was pretty cool, Miami is such a bizarre place, similar to New York, but more art deco and warmer. It doesn't have the corporate feel of NYC but you have the mix of culture,crime, great food, poverty and extreme wealth. There are also beautiful people, scantily clad everywhere. I found that there was no shortage of things to photograph as the architecture is very unique as well.
It's always an event working with models and photographers...or let's say the fashion industry. There is no standard behavior among them. In an office job there is a certain protocol,you might say and people generally go by those boundaries with their behavior despite their personality differences. In the field of fashion, there may be professional expectations but they all really go out the window. I have found there to always be some drama queen/king in shoots and it always cracks me up how people bitch and complain and feed a situation so much negative energy. I mostly don't let it affect me but like to observe. On occasion, if I have had enough, I will offer a nugget of positivity or offering another perspective.
I would say, for the most part, all the models I work on have been pretty patient, it really does require a lot of patience to sit for me for one of my pieces. They soon learn that if they want to have me do my thing, they are going to be pawed at for several hours. It always comes out awesome, though and totally worth it.

ah your fabulous dahhling, next...

« Thread Started on Mar 28, 2005, 12:14pm »
sI i am learning there is much to learn amongst people in the world of business, hell not only of business but people in general.
You can put forth your effort way above and beyond, cater to people's needs and they still won't appreciate your value, you are only as good as the last 5min. It really is bizarre. I operate on this level of honesty and it's hard for me to comprehend people that are underhanded or will turn on you in an instant. You are all that and a bag of chips, even tried and true, and you really don't have to f anything up but people will turn on you, and do so without warning. It is just the strangest concept to me. It goes to show me that nothing is a sure thing and life will always hand over new challengeses so I can never get too comfortable in what and where I am and if I am afforded a tomorrow, it WILL have twists and turns and my only solace is that I will then have the opportunity to be creative, understand what resources are in front of me at the present and press on. Life is certain in that it is always changing and with that change there will be worse times and there will be better times, over and over. Whew, what a ride!

got 99 problems, but my keyboard is clean

« Thread Started on Mar 25, 2005, 3:56am »
ok, so that's not how the song goes.... but it's friday night at almost 4 am an i am neither gangtsa nor rockstar tonight, i have chosen to merge the mcguyver, curious george and pinky and the brain archetypes and clean my laptop keyboard,because, well.... it's just gross. I just recentlydiscovered that i could individually rip off each little tab and it popped back on, i can't remeber exacly how i found that how but nonethless, i am my own repairman dammit, and i can DO this... fa real....and i did and as i was pulling the hairs out that looklike eyelashes, i am wonrdering .... where did these coe from, do i reallyshed that many eylashes, could it be?
anyway, as i began to type with my brand new keyboard, i realized that, for the most part, i am my own repairman, and my keyboard is spic and span, short hair (eyelash?....will we ever know??), fuzz free ....but i have noticed that on a positive note..... there is always room for improvement! a few of the letters aren't working so well, and the space bar is f'd up.....oopsy
but i am strong, nimble and determined... i will make them work again, even if i have to rig them with dental floss and super glue


well my m and space bar are not quite the same.... but i am still my own repairman, vanna, i may need to buy a consonant mmmmmmmmm

it seems as though my keyboard is now finally as askew as i am! there are a few buttons that just are not the same.evidently you can pop them off and pop them back on but there is no guarantee that they will operate the same once you do so, grrrrr, such is life, a gamble
it's all good suppose i will have to proofread a little better these days, maybe


update... i have restored my faith in my abilities, i finally got the thing rigged, it works now!!!! mmmmms ans space bar and all the keys!
yeah, i'm bad...you know it! :)

mtv spring break, panama city beach 2005

« Thread Started on Mar 10, 2005, 11:17am »
having a great time here at the beach, working my butt off. The MTV/AMp crew rocks! as usual, it's like a reunion since I have worked with all these guys before. Getting awesome shots from the tats and the vip room at Spinnakers and having fun, doing my thing. Will post them on flikr and some on the site as soon as I can crop them, and size them and download them!
My lines are monster long each day, once again, as usual but people are waiting to get their artwork done!
xoxoxo

here i am

« Thread Started on Feb 17, 2005, 8:20pm »

so i take on this break neck schedule, and do my normal thing, go go go without considering that i have to actually take care of myself, you know challenge the ol' immune system, and guess what??? it lost! I am the winner! So the winner, who hasn't been sick in maybe ten years has been in bed with 103 fever talking to doctors and people that are not there and today I am finally feeling something close to human, close mind you. I have to implement some serious lifestyle changes which include eating, yoga and rest if I plan on surviving Spring Break. It is hellacious but fun at the same time. It really puts your body to the test and two weeks of 7 days a week is insanity. The real issue is that you stay in the same posisiton for hours and by the end of one day you need a massage, take that and multiply time 14 and you get the idea. I will be finding a shiatsu place there upon arrival! I have lots of cool new things to bring and adorn the students with so it will be awesome, they will be jacked! I am also really looking forward to my show on the first of march , it will be so damn cool, it's burning me up inside! Gotta get it out and photgraphed, definately will be the coolest thing I have done to date!

you are who you are

« Thread Started on Feb 6, 2005, 7:32pm »

so, i have just finished my yoga instructor certification test and after about 14hours of writing, I finally am done. I am manifesting a 100% on this one. The funny thing is, because I was on tour for so long, i neither cracked open my books or could attend many of the classes, but had i not have agreed to do the tour, i wouldn't have had the money to take the class, so although odd, it was the perfect way, and the Universe provided the ways to make it up. So, I am facing this test completely unprepared, yet I am not nervous. I start to browse through the book and it is so exciting, I want to read and read, because what I am reading I totally connect to, so not only could I grasp the most "difficult" of concepts, I could expound on them. It was amazing. I took all the time i needed to finish the test and did it on my own. You were allowed to do the test openly with the other students but I chose to do it alone, because I didn't want to be swayed by another's thoughts but be genuine in my understanding and not rhetorical. So, even though I could have answered many questions, and passed, with the bare minimum, I not only answered them but the concepts surrounding them.... I felt AWESOME! It was such an accomplishment, that I have been wanting for some time to achieve, and I did it.


I am in the most interesting of places in my life right now, and being shown so much by the powers that be, so many amazing lessons, and participation, that someone is watching and offering direction in my sense of purpose. I am seeing myself grow into fulfillment, and it's being done by me just BEING me. I am being validated that I am a catalyst for change and growth, plus I am pretty silly
No matter what I have done, even prior to me gaining knowledge of self, I have always put all of me and then some from those Universal sources, into what I do. I have this innate sense that you have to be honest with yourself and willing to risk disapproval, to be you. The very exciting part now, is that since I have been diligently following my heart, the Universe places what I need in my path, and what others need by meeting me. It's an amazing cosmic exchange. I don't believe in coincidence and when I have been able to look at all those "little coincidences" I can now piece them together as part of a larger puzzle, and it is much clearer when the pieces link together.
One of the things I am realizing is that my call, or path or destiny... whatever label you wanna tag on that baby..... is not just for me and my immediate family, but I am to reach many. I know this in the molecules of my body, it's not a choice, it's in my blueprint. So, I have been being me and bopping along, and my business is growing, my skills are growing, my ideas are flourishing, and yet I still have my share of obstacles, and things I have to master. One of my most recent revelations was I am being groomed to step into my next cycle, and it requires my attention. I want to listen to the guidance so I don't have to learn the same lessons over and over again, it gets exhausting to do that!
I have gone from someone that was intrigued with henna to a henna celebrity. To me, same difference... WTF.... to the world I live in, it's a different game, one that I don't know the rules. I have been made aware of how I undervalue myself. I try to give everyone a break and while the one's that don't need a break get them, I am underselling who I am. I hate negotiating, i feel humble and almost guilty for asking for what I need, because I don't go to work, I am my work, my work is me...my work is my expression, connection and growth. So I haven't absorbed the concept of me being the commodity and that it is ok to be compensated. It follows Universal Law of the flow of giving and receiving but I tend to get hung up on the giving part and whack out the balance. I know that in the long run, my naivete, and the decisions made from that place will work out in my favor. Yet, because I have been specifically shown on paper how much under the market value I have set myself, I feel it is my call to make changes. The problem is, I don't know how to go about these . The people needed have always just shown up, that can offer insight, so I have learned to recognize my resources right in front of me for the info I need instead of stressing about what I need and where to find it. I am passionate, on fire and filled with will and determination to BE and more and more people are taking notice and the one's that are taking notice, are people that can explode my world into a whole new existence, and still it only means I will be able to express myself, be me and serve my community on a grander scale.
.
I keep myself under this superhuman, breakneck schedule, so I can get my message out, to as many as I can, and mentally I forget about taking care of me. Physically, mentally and spiritually. So, I have to remind myself that the people placed in my life are there for a reason and I am there in their life for a reason, so I can go ahead and break down the barrier of "I have to do it all myself" to allow people to share their specific gifts with you as you share yours.
I am learning to recognize my soul family and participate in our connection.

xo
namaste

Barbee

off to South carolina

« Thread Started on Feb 1, 2005, 10:39am »
I am off to University of South Carolina, leaving my nice warm little Florida, ready to layer clothes and do that thang! Universities are my absolute faves, as the students are so awesome. They are so appreciative, helpful, kind and totally validating! They usually end up begging me not to leave... now how can you hate that!
My FIU trip was wonderful, despite the thousands of miles I put on my car over the trip from going back and forth from lauderdale and west palm and to miami. I got lost every day and it was frustrating. I mapquested everything, but I think mapquest is owned my some oil tycoon and deliberately steers you in the wrong direction so you waste gas and they make more money... it could happen
more on the fiu trip later, lots of great lessons learned!
xo
b

i love my kids

myolder two kids moved in with their dad a couple of years ago and initially I went through some major depression. I was hurt, I felt betrayed and I feared the constant tearing down of me from their new residence would damage our relationship. Well, the tearing down happened but the relationship is still wonderful. I am so happy to know, with clarity that my kids know I am always there for them and there is NOTHING they cannot discuss with me. They know I will never judge but listen and offer my perceptions. I understood later that they were not my property and had to make their own choices along the way because that is how you learn. You cannot remove your kids responsibility to make their own decisions. What I did do, is explain to them that there are boundries in this world and when you cross them, you have to deal with the circumstances of their choices. They really are amazing people and I am so thankful for being their mom and friend.

October 15, 2003 - 10:53 AM
a letter from my daughter

»
Things we take for granted are sometimes impossible to see
One I thing admit I took was the time having you with me.
From the time I was brought into this world I was connected to you
This connection has stayed all my l ife and seen me through
You kept me safe, happy and let me grow
You show me the strongest and most beautiful love I'll ever know.
A mother and her daughter with the most powerful love
A mother who I'm convinced is an Angel from above.
I think of you every time I look at the stars and the rain
Not being with you causes me an empty pain
It hurts in my heart and makes me sometimes cry at night
looking at your picture in my bed at late hours with dimmed light.
I lie awake in bed thinking of your smile, your laugh and I see
Everyday I'm reminded how much of you is within me.
Through the trials and hardships I have and still face everyday
Your influence and spirit is with me to help lead the way.
You have allowed me to develop

meditation after yoga, yoga been berry berry good to me

January 21, 2004 - 09:57 PM
meditation of heart <3

this is my little meditation today
the heart is the place where, we as humans all connect.... we may be at different places in the mind or body... but we all share our hearts... it's where the physical and the spiritual meet and the one place of common connection... to live my life fully, I need to live from my heart and experience the emotions that opening my heart allows..... those will be full of the multitude of nuances of pain and pleasure.
You can live without your mind and your sexual organs but you can't live without your heart.I simply know that MY goal, is not to seek to find how to become lofty and out of my body... but to integrate the spiritual and the physical in the vessel I have been given to house those energies.... so, for me, that means opening my heart to connect with another at that common place...and I know that when I open my heart, it is laid bare and not protected against pain.... yet, I recognize that pain is part of my scope of experience and that I cannot change that or protect myself from it, yet merely accept it an then move on to the next phase. I see that to connect with heart is to know compassion as we recognize that we are all ONE, we all share connection. We are born alone but in community.
I feel that for me, I choose to live and cut the shit, get right past the bullshit fluff... and relate, heal, and exchange. I have to live in this world and recognize my function of BEING myself, for it's the one I know the best about....as I live with me every day. If I stay focused at being the best ME I can be, then I can truly offer the gifts that I have to give, and they are many and there is not limit to my heart, yet I also see that in an exchange, I can allow myself to be exposed and give and receive with another's heart space. Soul connection is beautiful and worthy and is what keeps one another from being trampled ... we offer our shoulder to assist until they have the strength to walk their road on their own. And sometimes we skip hand and hand along a path of life and it makes neither "your" road or "my" road..... just a road that we were able to travel together... Some roads are not long and we have to depart, some will meet up with you at different forks and some will be much more regular company as your lives will be constructive in your growth and needs the test of time to do the multifaceted work it is designed to do. Soul connections are there to help us and we them... encourage one another and help each other to see from different perspectives and to broaden their own experiences. Some connections will come in your life and It will burn fast and furious and be gone quickly, yet the brief stay will alter you in an intense way and others will seem to show up right when you need them..... and some, the really rare and beautiful gems, are the connections that will always be.... the are so pure and on target and perfectly right.... that they will stay as guidance and growth, to ensure you stay on course and are not getting too caught up in the doing but remind you of the being and they will be the vibrating, thunderous, compassionate hearts that are in it till the end..... all of these relationships are important, as they all play apart in my development, so I wish to appreciate the lessons I receive everyday and just BE without judgment.... it may be goofy, it may be serious, or may be corny... it will be what it is ant any given time.....and most of those times different..... but I am going to live in that m êl ée and soak it all up...... people shall know that I live by my heart energy, I am grounded to the earth and by the sky and it meets at my heart


b

life's gourmet

life's gourmet
« Thread Started on Jan 21, 2005, 12:55am » [Quote]
as I am biking in the glorious weather today ... pumping hard because the wind is blowing... I ponder... I feel a difficult obstacle/lesson I am overcoming right now is how can I be less affected by people and situations... I don't mean being insensitive, just not so ruled by what happens .... whether viewed as negative or positive ... things happen or people happen in our lives and we experience different emotions ... all par for the course ... yet for me, I tend to throw myself completely into those emotions and then determine my state of being by the situation ... or usually my lack of control of a situation ... we want stasis ... control ... nirvana and someone is always screwing up the rotation! I was recognizing this flaw and wondering how I can constantly remind myself that the pure, radiant energy that I AM, does not alter or change due to any circumstance. Life is a buffet and full of bizarre and unusual flavors ... we never know what our next course will be. I resolved that at least I know this energy is perfect and pure and joy is constantly present, just waiting for me to recognize it, so whether or not someone understands me, likes me, responds to me, doesn't alter WHO I AM. So in my perfect place I can always smile and not wait for a reason. I can and will learn how to remind myself of this for I am constantly mentally stressing about situations and people and how they affect me and I know that "non judgmental BEING" is my only solace. I am sure it will take work but I am willing to saddle up to life's buffet, gripping my utensils and ready for the next course ... what flavor will it be?
b