i love my kids

myolder two kids moved in with their dad a couple of years ago and initially I went through some major depression. I was hurt, I felt betrayed and I feared the constant tearing down of me from their new residence would damage our relationship. Well, the tearing down happened but the relationship is still wonderful. I am so happy to know, with clarity that my kids know I am always there for them and there is NOTHING they cannot discuss with me. They know I will never judge but listen and offer my perceptions. I understood later that they were not my property and had to make their own choices along the way because that is how you learn. You cannot remove your kids responsibility to make their own decisions. What I did do, is explain to them that there are boundries in this world and when you cross them, you have to deal with the circumstances of their choices. They really are amazing people and I am so thankful for being their mom and friend.

October 15, 2003 - 10:53 AM
a letter from my daughter

»
Things we take for granted are sometimes impossible to see
One I thing admit I took was the time having you with me.
From the time I was brought into this world I was connected to you
This connection has stayed all my l ife and seen me through
You kept me safe, happy and let me grow
You show me the strongest and most beautiful love I'll ever know.
A mother and her daughter with the most powerful love
A mother who I'm convinced is an Angel from above.
I think of you every time I look at the stars and the rain
Not being with you causes me an empty pain
It hurts in my heart and makes me sometimes cry at night
looking at your picture in my bed at late hours with dimmed light.
I lie awake in bed thinking of your smile, your laugh and I see
Everyday I'm reminded how much of you is within me.
Through the trials and hardships I have and still face everyday
Your influence and spirit is with me to help lead the way.
You have allowed me to develop

meditation after yoga, yoga been berry berry good to me

January 21, 2004 - 09:57 PM
meditation of heart <3

this is my little meditation today
the heart is the place where, we as humans all connect.... we may be at different places in the mind or body... but we all share our hearts... it's where the physical and the spiritual meet and the one place of common connection... to live my life fully, I need to live from my heart and experience the emotions that opening my heart allows..... those will be full of the multitude of nuances of pain and pleasure.
You can live without your mind and your sexual organs but you can't live without your heart.I simply know that MY goal, is not to seek to find how to become lofty and out of my body... but to integrate the spiritual and the physical in the vessel I have been given to house those energies.... so, for me, that means opening my heart to connect with another at that common place...and I know that when I open my heart, it is laid bare and not protected against pain.... yet, I recognize that pain is part of my scope of experience and that I cannot change that or protect myself from it, yet merely accept it an then move on to the next phase. I see that to connect with heart is to know compassion as we recognize that we are all ONE, we all share connection. We are born alone but in community.
I feel that for me, I choose to live and cut the shit, get right past the bullshit fluff... and relate, heal, and exchange. I have to live in this world and recognize my function of BEING myself, for it's the one I know the best about....as I live with me every day. If I stay focused at being the best ME I can be, then I can truly offer the gifts that I have to give, and they are many and there is not limit to my heart, yet I also see that in an exchange, I can allow myself to be exposed and give and receive with another's heart space. Soul connection is beautiful and worthy and is what keeps one another from being trampled ... we offer our shoulder to assist until they have the strength to walk their road on their own. And sometimes we skip hand and hand along a path of life and it makes neither "your" road or "my" road..... just a road that we were able to travel together... Some roads are not long and we have to depart, some will meet up with you at different forks and some will be much more regular company as your lives will be constructive in your growth and needs the test of time to do the multifaceted work it is designed to do. Soul connections are there to help us and we them... encourage one another and help each other to see from different perspectives and to broaden their own experiences. Some connections will come in your life and It will burn fast and furious and be gone quickly, yet the brief stay will alter you in an intense way and others will seem to show up right when you need them..... and some, the really rare and beautiful gems, are the connections that will always be.... the are so pure and on target and perfectly right.... that they will stay as guidance and growth, to ensure you stay on course and are not getting too caught up in the doing but remind you of the being and they will be the vibrating, thunderous, compassionate hearts that are in it till the end..... all of these relationships are important, as they all play apart in my development, so I wish to appreciate the lessons I receive everyday and just BE without judgment.... it may be goofy, it may be serious, or may be corny... it will be what it is ant any given time.....and most of those times different..... but I am going to live in that m êl ée and soak it all up...... people shall know that I live by my heart energy, I am grounded to the earth and by the sky and it meets at my heart


b

life's gourmet

life's gourmet
« Thread Started on Jan 21, 2005, 12:55am » [Quote]
as I am biking in the glorious weather today ... pumping hard because the wind is blowing... I ponder... I feel a difficult obstacle/lesson I am overcoming right now is how can I be less affected by people and situations... I don't mean being insensitive, just not so ruled by what happens .... whether viewed as negative or positive ... things happen or people happen in our lives and we experience different emotions ... all par for the course ... yet for me, I tend to throw myself completely into those emotions and then determine my state of being by the situation ... or usually my lack of control of a situation ... we want stasis ... control ... nirvana and someone is always screwing up the rotation! I was recognizing this flaw and wondering how I can constantly remind myself that the pure, radiant energy that I AM, does not alter or change due to any circumstance. Life is a buffet and full of bizarre and unusual flavors ... we never know what our next course will be. I resolved that at least I know this energy is perfect and pure and joy is constantly present, just waiting for me to recognize it, so whether or not someone understands me, likes me, responds to me, doesn't alter WHO I AM. So in my perfect place I can always smile and not wait for a reason. I can and will learn how to remind myself of this for I am constantly mentally stressing about situations and people and how they affect me and I know that "non judgmental BEING" is my only solace. I am sure it will take work but I am willing to saddle up to life's buffet, gripping my utensils and ready for the next course ... what flavor will it be?
b