I have been thinking a lot about human relations lately ...thinking of people that have come and gone and the affects of same
in this crazy soup of flavors, when we do make those connections with people, I think "hey we connected, how amazing...let's make it last" but sometimes it doesn't ... sometimes the connection is lost, maybe it will reconnect and maybe not.... that primal code in me wants to control and to feed my ego... "hey! we connected and you have a responsibility to keep it up!!!" ... not.... we can control only our own energy, and sometimes it sucks to have relationships fizzle ... it hurts our ego to feel not needed or important enough to matter to another ... but we should feel that from ourselves
it seems as though relationships or "connections" should be more helpful than hurtful...duh. ... what I mean is we should find our worth from with in and not depend on others to create an identity for us ... then when we connect we can appreciate the time spent with one another and since we are already fulfilled inside when we disconnect we are not depleted of ourselves... I think where this leaves me is... I will continue to give of myself without expecting return, I give because it makes me happy and noone owes me shit ... cuz then it's not a gift it's a loan.... I know that the Universe has got my back and that my needs will be met, so, I am free to give without feeling like I will deplete my resources.... my lesson is to allow to receive, and I think I am learning that... I am learning how to give to me too... I am learning to listen to another's needs so I know better how to give ... sometimes you can keep giving to someone and never meet their needs, so I am seeing that it is important to communicate what our needs are and not expect others to figure it out...
I have also figured out that I am a full on person with good energy but a bit scary to some ... and while I am not intending to scare anyone or hurt them.... I have to remain who I am... I can't be someone else so I can keep people in my life... I have to maintain my level of energy and keep loving even if it scares people off ... the people that get me... will...the people that don't may someday or may never.... and that's OKAY;)
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I have had similar feelings about being connected to people. When I do meet someone who I make a connection with ,I want to hold on to it.In this crazy fast paced world I find more and more that I crave to hold on to the kindred spirits that I connect with. Even if the connection does not last,I am thankful for that moment. That validation that I am not alone in the way that I may feel or think. I never cease to be amazed by the power of what people have in common vs what makes people seem so very different from one another.I feel that when a connection is made I gain a little something from the connection whatever it may be and I feel enriched by the experience.I hope that the other soul that I connect with can be enriched or gain something valuable as well. An exchange of energies so to speak. I strive to be an open book receptive to the lessons that the universe has to offer. And to find my place and purpose in this world while i'm here. It's all about the journey,not necessairly the destination. It has taken me 40+ years to figure it out while some people have always known. I'm thankful to have finally learned. Some unfortunate people may never know.
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