working on water

working on water
Originally uploaded by barbee.

June 12, 2005 on the road in texas
I am reflecting life with a cup of coffee…' pondering my sore back and still neck in a tub made of Epsom salts and a glorious bath mix I got from this awesome little store in San Francisco. As I lay there and tried to soak my body loose, I was drawn to my meditative state, which was well needed. It seems for me that in effort to “do” I forget my ability to BE as well. My resounding lesson for this year at least has been that I need to have faith. I am conscious and in control of my awareness. I have choices in they way I believe, and perceive, my surroundings. I have constant instruction and lessons that are available to me when I listen and take the time to be open to my world of possibilities. I can only really me responsible for the way I view my world, for it is unique to only me. I don’t think it’s wrong to share our experiences of faith yet I believe it is folly to try to convert another to my beliefs. How can I assume that I am any more worthy of a title or authority to instruct them in how to perceive their own faith? The world we share is that of community connected by thought, or spirit if you will, however you term it, it comes down to energy. At least in my world it does. Energy breaks down into static and movement and when they connect there is a reaction resulting in movement. It creates a reaction that spurs more energy off into different directions to create new moments of static and movement and so on and so on. On the level of human existence that I can perceive. We are all dual in nature, we represent the whole. We are bound by perceptions of liitations that are passed on to us as truths and we adopt them as our own. Why? It is perhaps easier to accept another’s concepts if they sound pleasing enough and not have to go through the “pain” of finding out your own truths. We try to avoid pain so generally, it’s much more of an option to choose a more pleasing and comfortable path. And there is nothing wrong with that. Pain is necessary to the process of growth, it not the only experience available but it is what is the catalyst to growth. It is up to us how we choose to perceive pain, and what we do with the result of it. Now if either of these experiences is off balance, it will lead to destruction, which is necessary for rebirth. I have taken other routes in life and they were right for then but not for now. This moment is unique and right here and holds it’s own resources for new experience. Every experience will have its cycles and opportunities to create more energy. In all these cycles, painful, happy, and full of all the scope of emotions that will serve to teach me more about the connection between my physical reality and my conscious reality. I feel responsibility to listen to my intuition. It is as just as much apart of me as my physical body, and likewise, I pay attention to my physical body as it point my in the direction of my spiritual body and it’s resource of power and energy in the manifestation of my it’s existence. If I listen to my body it will tell me of places I need to focus on in my spiritual reality to bring more balance of my polarites. If I listen to my spiritual body, it will tell me areas in my physical body that need more focus and energy to restore balance. It is my own yet part of many. I believe that without limitation, we are universal and ONE made of static and flow. I cannot separate myself from my existence. I am experiencing a physical reality and learning how to live in that reality so on the balance, I also experience my spirit reality or conscious realities and the result of their merging is a charge emitting more energy. And it goes on and on until it doesn’t. But to keep the balance, it does, the realities only change to a new experience. Each new experience is necessary; they all hold their own purpose.

on the road again!

« Thread Started on Jun 7, 2005, 12:06pm »
i am on the road again yet this time it is with my family.
5 of us on the open road. In one day, less than 24 hours we were in florida, alabama, mississippi, louisiana, stayed in ticfaw state park and then off to houston, la grange and now austin. we will stay in a state park there and then head to dallas for a week. can't wait to post some pics, so many sites to see, and lots of lessons in communication and patience. We are all travelling in a ford freestar like a dodge caravan and it is proving to be quite interesting, but wonderful experience!
xo
b

i have been kicked out of better places than this!

« Thread Started on May 6, 2005, 1:50am »
So, that bad girl of body art shows up to her mmuseum show this evening with model in tow, assistants andpress and oodles of friends and as we enter the museum, noone seems to know why we are there? No stage is set and everyone has a screwy look on their face. Finally the coordinator is reached and she ap[ologizes profusely, as she had sent an email that I didn't get, somehow, but it seems, as soon as my name was mentioned, there was a veto. Interestingly enough, I was soehow not amazed. I had performed there twice before and the second time the paper came and did a two page story on me and evidently it pissed the museum officials off. Apperantly, the Kate, my wonderful reporter had expressed her thoughts, and it was unfavorable in their eyes, so I have been black listed.Awesome! I was kickedout of a scheduled show in an art museum, and I had the most amazing piece of art to date, waiting to amaze and transform.... but that couldn'thappen because musem big whigs were going to be there and heads would roll if I was allowed to stay. So, I was absolutely NOT going to not shoot this awesome josephine baker incarnate and we called my friends from Snack Daddy and Funkus playing at Hard Rock Live and got a private escort into the club and did our performance on stage with the bands. IT WAS SO AMAZINGLY HOT!!!!!!!! Oh my god! it simply rocked. The bands were totally taken back with what we brought on and it was magical! I was finishing Shemia up and then was all over the stage, on the floor, through the speakers shooting the most amazing shots! It was cinqo de mayo and we had these bright and beautiful colors with feathers and pearls and josephine baker was truely in the house tonight!. Every article she wore I had crafted, from earrings to anklets her entire body of art I had applied and then she owned it and rocked it! She was so the part, and then was dancing on stage, interacting with the band and it was the most amazing thing ever!

waisted

waisted1
Originally uploaded by barbee.

I went to Miami to do make up for a ujena swimwear shoot. I drove 5 hours down there, worked all day until 4 am. I managed to squeeze in my own shooting, which made the models happy, cause they liked the images and used them for their portfolios. We shot in the Four Seasons Hotel from a penthouse and it was exquisite. This shot happened as Sadie was putting on her wrap to go out to the beach to shoot and I yelled, "STOP!"... which I do quite a bit when I see something I want to capture.... and it has been one of my most viewed shots. It does look like a swimwear tag, eh?
The whole shoot was pretty cool, Miami is such a bizarre place, similar to New York, but more art deco and warmer. It doesn't have the corporate feel of NYC but you have the mix of culture,crime, great food, poverty and extreme wealth. There are also beautiful people, scantily clad everywhere. I found that there was no shortage of things to photograph as the architecture is very unique as well.
It's always an event working with models and photographers...or let's say the fashion industry. There is no standard behavior among them. In an office job there is a certain protocol,you might say and people generally go by those boundaries with their behavior despite their personality differences. In the field of fashion, there may be professional expectations but they all really go out the window. I have found there to always be some drama queen/king in shoots and it always cracks me up how people bitch and complain and feed a situation so much negative energy. I mostly don't let it affect me but like to observe. On occasion, if I have had enough, I will offer a nugget of positivity or offering another perspective.
I would say, for the most part, all the models I work on have been pretty patient, it really does require a lot of patience to sit for me for one of my pieces. They soon learn that if they want to have me do my thing, they are going to be pawed at for several hours. It always comes out awesome, though and totally worth it.

ah your fabulous dahhling, next...

« Thread Started on Mar 28, 2005, 12:14pm »
sI i am learning there is much to learn amongst people in the world of business, hell not only of business but people in general.
You can put forth your effort way above and beyond, cater to people's needs and they still won't appreciate your value, you are only as good as the last 5min. It really is bizarre. I operate on this level of honesty and it's hard for me to comprehend people that are underhanded or will turn on you in an instant. You are all that and a bag of chips, even tried and true, and you really don't have to f anything up but people will turn on you, and do so without warning. It is just the strangest concept to me. It goes to show me that nothing is a sure thing and life will always hand over new challengeses so I can never get too comfortable in what and where I am and if I am afforded a tomorrow, it WILL have twists and turns and my only solace is that I will then have the opportunity to be creative, understand what resources are in front of me at the present and press on. Life is certain in that it is always changing and with that change there will be worse times and there will be better times, over and over. Whew, what a ride!

got 99 problems, but my keyboard is clean

« Thread Started on Mar 25, 2005, 3:56am »
ok, so that's not how the song goes.... but it's friday night at almost 4 am an i am neither gangtsa nor rockstar tonight, i have chosen to merge the mcguyver, curious george and pinky and the brain archetypes and clean my laptop keyboard,because, well.... it's just gross. I just recentlydiscovered that i could individually rip off each little tab and it popped back on, i can't remeber exacly how i found that how but nonethless, i am my own repairman dammit, and i can DO this... fa real....and i did and as i was pulling the hairs out that looklike eyelashes, i am wonrdering .... where did these coe from, do i reallyshed that many eylashes, could it be?
anyway, as i began to type with my brand new keyboard, i realized that, for the most part, i am my own repairman, and my keyboard is spic and span, short hair (eyelash?....will we ever know??), fuzz free ....but i have noticed that on a positive note..... there is always room for improvement! a few of the letters aren't working so well, and the space bar is f'd up.....oopsy
but i am strong, nimble and determined... i will make them work again, even if i have to rig them with dental floss and super glue


well my m and space bar are not quite the same.... but i am still my own repairman, vanna, i may need to buy a consonant mmmmmmmmm

it seems as though my keyboard is now finally as askew as i am! there are a few buttons that just are not the same.evidently you can pop them off and pop them back on but there is no guarantee that they will operate the same once you do so, grrrrr, such is life, a gamble
it's all good suppose i will have to proofread a little better these days, maybe


update... i have restored my faith in my abilities, i finally got the thing rigged, it works now!!!! mmmmms ans space bar and all the keys!
yeah, i'm bad...you know it! :)

mtv spring break, panama city beach 2005

« Thread Started on Mar 10, 2005, 11:17am »
having a great time here at the beach, working my butt off. The MTV/AMp crew rocks! as usual, it's like a reunion since I have worked with all these guys before. Getting awesome shots from the tats and the vip room at Spinnakers and having fun, doing my thing. Will post them on flikr and some on the site as soon as I can crop them, and size them and download them!
My lines are monster long each day, once again, as usual but people are waiting to get their artwork done!
xoxoxo

here i am

« Thread Started on Feb 17, 2005, 8:20pm »

so i take on this break neck schedule, and do my normal thing, go go go without considering that i have to actually take care of myself, you know challenge the ol' immune system, and guess what??? it lost! I am the winner! So the winner, who hasn't been sick in maybe ten years has been in bed with 103 fever talking to doctors and people that are not there and today I am finally feeling something close to human, close mind you. I have to implement some serious lifestyle changes which include eating, yoga and rest if I plan on surviving Spring Break. It is hellacious but fun at the same time. It really puts your body to the test and two weeks of 7 days a week is insanity. The real issue is that you stay in the same posisiton for hours and by the end of one day you need a massage, take that and multiply time 14 and you get the idea. I will be finding a shiatsu place there upon arrival! I have lots of cool new things to bring and adorn the students with so it will be awesome, they will be jacked! I am also really looking forward to my show on the first of march , it will be so damn cool, it's burning me up inside! Gotta get it out and photgraphed, definately will be the coolest thing I have done to date!

you are who you are

« Thread Started on Feb 6, 2005, 7:32pm »

so, i have just finished my yoga instructor certification test and after about 14hours of writing, I finally am done. I am manifesting a 100% on this one. The funny thing is, because I was on tour for so long, i neither cracked open my books or could attend many of the classes, but had i not have agreed to do the tour, i wouldn't have had the money to take the class, so although odd, it was the perfect way, and the Universe provided the ways to make it up. So, I am facing this test completely unprepared, yet I am not nervous. I start to browse through the book and it is so exciting, I want to read and read, because what I am reading I totally connect to, so not only could I grasp the most "difficult" of concepts, I could expound on them. It was amazing. I took all the time i needed to finish the test and did it on my own. You were allowed to do the test openly with the other students but I chose to do it alone, because I didn't want to be swayed by another's thoughts but be genuine in my understanding and not rhetorical. So, even though I could have answered many questions, and passed, with the bare minimum, I not only answered them but the concepts surrounding them.... I felt AWESOME! It was such an accomplishment, that I have been wanting for some time to achieve, and I did it.


I am in the most interesting of places in my life right now, and being shown so much by the powers that be, so many amazing lessons, and participation, that someone is watching and offering direction in my sense of purpose. I am seeing myself grow into fulfillment, and it's being done by me just BEING me. I am being validated that I am a catalyst for change and growth, plus I am pretty silly
No matter what I have done, even prior to me gaining knowledge of self, I have always put all of me and then some from those Universal sources, into what I do. I have this innate sense that you have to be honest with yourself and willing to risk disapproval, to be you. The very exciting part now, is that since I have been diligently following my heart, the Universe places what I need in my path, and what others need by meeting me. It's an amazing cosmic exchange. I don't believe in coincidence and when I have been able to look at all those "little coincidences" I can now piece them together as part of a larger puzzle, and it is much clearer when the pieces link together.
One of the things I am realizing is that my call, or path or destiny... whatever label you wanna tag on that baby..... is not just for me and my immediate family, but I am to reach many. I know this in the molecules of my body, it's not a choice, it's in my blueprint. So, I have been being me and bopping along, and my business is growing, my skills are growing, my ideas are flourishing, and yet I still have my share of obstacles, and things I have to master. One of my most recent revelations was I am being groomed to step into my next cycle, and it requires my attention. I want to listen to the guidance so I don't have to learn the same lessons over and over again, it gets exhausting to do that!
I have gone from someone that was intrigued with henna to a henna celebrity. To me, same difference... WTF.... to the world I live in, it's a different game, one that I don't know the rules. I have been made aware of how I undervalue myself. I try to give everyone a break and while the one's that don't need a break get them, I am underselling who I am. I hate negotiating, i feel humble and almost guilty for asking for what I need, because I don't go to work, I am my work, my work is me...my work is my expression, connection and growth. So I haven't absorbed the concept of me being the commodity and that it is ok to be compensated. It follows Universal Law of the flow of giving and receiving but I tend to get hung up on the giving part and whack out the balance. I know that in the long run, my naivete, and the decisions made from that place will work out in my favor. Yet, because I have been specifically shown on paper how much under the market value I have set myself, I feel it is my call to make changes. The problem is, I don't know how to go about these . The people needed have always just shown up, that can offer insight, so I have learned to recognize my resources right in front of me for the info I need instead of stressing about what I need and where to find it. I am passionate, on fire and filled with will and determination to BE and more and more people are taking notice and the one's that are taking notice, are people that can explode my world into a whole new existence, and still it only means I will be able to express myself, be me and serve my community on a grander scale.
.
I keep myself under this superhuman, breakneck schedule, so I can get my message out, to as many as I can, and mentally I forget about taking care of me. Physically, mentally and spiritually. So, I have to remind myself that the people placed in my life are there for a reason and I am there in their life for a reason, so I can go ahead and break down the barrier of "I have to do it all myself" to allow people to share their specific gifts with you as you share yours.
I am learning to recognize my soul family and participate in our connection.

xo
namaste

Barbee

off to South carolina

« Thread Started on Feb 1, 2005, 10:39am »
I am off to University of South Carolina, leaving my nice warm little Florida, ready to layer clothes and do that thang! Universities are my absolute faves, as the students are so awesome. They are so appreciative, helpful, kind and totally validating! They usually end up begging me not to leave... now how can you hate that!
My FIU trip was wonderful, despite the thousands of miles I put on my car over the trip from going back and forth from lauderdale and west palm and to miami. I got lost every day and it was frustrating. I mapquested everything, but I think mapquest is owned my some oil tycoon and deliberately steers you in the wrong direction so you waste gas and they make more money... it could happen
more on the fiu trip later, lots of great lessons learned!
xo
b

i love my kids

myolder two kids moved in with their dad a couple of years ago and initially I went through some major depression. I was hurt, I felt betrayed and I feared the constant tearing down of me from their new residence would damage our relationship. Well, the tearing down happened but the relationship is still wonderful. I am so happy to know, with clarity that my kids know I am always there for them and there is NOTHING they cannot discuss with me. They know I will never judge but listen and offer my perceptions. I understood later that they were not my property and had to make their own choices along the way because that is how you learn. You cannot remove your kids responsibility to make their own decisions. What I did do, is explain to them that there are boundries in this world and when you cross them, you have to deal with the circumstances of their choices. They really are amazing people and I am so thankful for being their mom and friend.

October 15, 2003 - 10:53 AM
a letter from my daughter

»
Things we take for granted are sometimes impossible to see
One I thing admit I took was the time having you with me.
From the time I was brought into this world I was connected to you
This connection has stayed all my l ife and seen me through
You kept me safe, happy and let me grow
You show me the strongest and most beautiful love I'll ever know.
A mother and her daughter with the most powerful love
A mother who I'm convinced is an Angel from above.
I think of you every time I look at the stars and the rain
Not being with you causes me an empty pain
It hurts in my heart and makes me sometimes cry at night
looking at your picture in my bed at late hours with dimmed light.
I lie awake in bed thinking of your smile, your laugh and I see
Everyday I'm reminded how much of you is within me.
Through the trials and hardships I have and still face everyday
Your influence and spirit is with me to help lead the way.
You have allowed me to develop

meditation after yoga, yoga been berry berry good to me

January 21, 2004 - 09:57 PM
meditation of heart <3

this is my little meditation today
the heart is the place where, we as humans all connect.... we may be at different places in the mind or body... but we all share our hearts... it's where the physical and the spiritual meet and the one place of common connection... to live my life fully, I need to live from my heart and experience the emotions that opening my heart allows..... those will be full of the multitude of nuances of pain and pleasure.
You can live without your mind and your sexual organs but you can't live without your heart.I simply know that MY goal, is not to seek to find how to become lofty and out of my body... but to integrate the spiritual and the physical in the vessel I have been given to house those energies.... so, for me, that means opening my heart to connect with another at that common place...and I know that when I open my heart, it is laid bare and not protected against pain.... yet, I recognize that pain is part of my scope of experience and that I cannot change that or protect myself from it, yet merely accept it an then move on to the next phase. I see that to connect with heart is to know compassion as we recognize that we are all ONE, we all share connection. We are born alone but in community.
I feel that for me, I choose to live and cut the shit, get right past the bullshit fluff... and relate, heal, and exchange. I have to live in this world and recognize my function of BEING myself, for it's the one I know the best about....as I live with me every day. If I stay focused at being the best ME I can be, then I can truly offer the gifts that I have to give, and they are many and there is not limit to my heart, yet I also see that in an exchange, I can allow myself to be exposed and give and receive with another's heart space. Soul connection is beautiful and worthy and is what keeps one another from being trampled ... we offer our shoulder to assist until they have the strength to walk their road on their own. And sometimes we skip hand and hand along a path of life and it makes neither "your" road or "my" road..... just a road that we were able to travel together... Some roads are not long and we have to depart, some will meet up with you at different forks and some will be much more regular company as your lives will be constructive in your growth and needs the test of time to do the multifaceted work it is designed to do. Soul connections are there to help us and we them... encourage one another and help each other to see from different perspectives and to broaden their own experiences. Some connections will come in your life and It will burn fast and furious and be gone quickly, yet the brief stay will alter you in an intense way and others will seem to show up right when you need them..... and some, the really rare and beautiful gems, are the connections that will always be.... the are so pure and on target and perfectly right.... that they will stay as guidance and growth, to ensure you stay on course and are not getting too caught up in the doing but remind you of the being and they will be the vibrating, thunderous, compassionate hearts that are in it till the end..... all of these relationships are important, as they all play apart in my development, so I wish to appreciate the lessons I receive everyday and just BE without judgment.... it may be goofy, it may be serious, or may be corny... it will be what it is ant any given time.....and most of those times different..... but I am going to live in that m êl ée and soak it all up...... people shall know that I live by my heart energy, I am grounded to the earth and by the sky and it meets at my heart


b

life's gourmet

life's gourmet
« Thread Started on Jan 21, 2005, 12:55am » [Quote]
as I am biking in the glorious weather today ... pumping hard because the wind is blowing... I ponder... I feel a difficult obstacle/lesson I am overcoming right now is how can I be less affected by people and situations... I don't mean being insensitive, just not so ruled by what happens .... whether viewed as negative or positive ... things happen or people happen in our lives and we experience different emotions ... all par for the course ... yet for me, I tend to throw myself completely into those emotions and then determine my state of being by the situation ... or usually my lack of control of a situation ... we want stasis ... control ... nirvana and someone is always screwing up the rotation! I was recognizing this flaw and wondering how I can constantly remind myself that the pure, radiant energy that I AM, does not alter or change due to any circumstance. Life is a buffet and full of bizarre and unusual flavors ... we never know what our next course will be. I resolved that at least I know this energy is perfect and pure and joy is constantly present, just waiting for me to recognize it, so whether or not someone understands me, likes me, responds to me, doesn't alter WHO I AM. So in my perfect place I can always smile and not wait for a reason. I can and will learn how to remind myself of this for I am constantly mentally stressing about situations and people and how they affect me and I know that "non judgmental BEING" is my only solace. I am sure it will take work but I am willing to saddle up to life's buffet, gripping my utensils and ready for the next course ... what flavor will it be?
b